Preparing for a Trip to Stockholm in 2014
Based on the data from Google Analytics, readers of this blog visit for one of two reasons:
- To locate a particular music review
- To find pictures of my beautiful ass
I am certainly happy to provide a repository for “music reviews with a touch of erotica,” and am always flattered when “beautiful ass” comes up as a top search term, but regular readers also know that there’s a lot more to this blog than witty music reviews, sexual banter and leather-trimmed porn. They know that the author is a deep thinker who explores the place of music in the cosmos and has offered the world two of the most influential theories in modern music today:
- The Count Basie Effect: The affirmative corollary to the jazz theory of negative space: sometimes a single note can be the greatest fucking thing you’ve ever heard when played at the right time, in the right context. A variation of this theory is that simplicity is often more powerful than complexity.
- The Beach Day Theory: The size of the production must correlate to the essence of the music. Go lo-fi if you’re emulating 60’s girl groups, go Dolby digital 5.1 surround sound if you have material like The Vicar’s Songbook #1.
In considering the historical and cultural underpinnings of the Foo Fighters, I discovered not one, but two new theories that should elevate my status from Niche Audience Music Critic to Serious Contender for a Nobel Prize:
- The Norah Jones Theory: Once Norah Jones makes a guest appearance on your favorite artist’s album, it’s all over.
- The Reagan-Thatcher Theory: It is impossible for any artist who appeared on the scene after 1980 to produce more than 2.5 good albums.
You can find nomination forms and criteria at http://www.nobelprize.org/nomination/. I believe Physics is the most appropriate category, as my sexual references often describe bodies in a state of collision, but Chemistry is also appropriate given the fact that I have created a great deal of it in my erotic experiences with both genders and with all races.
Please do not submit my name for the Literature prize, for if Faulkner can get it, anyone can.
In the Foo Fighters’ case, The Reagan-Thatcher theory must be applied first. They met their requisite 2.5 good album limit and then went down the proverbial shithole prior to Ms. Jones’s appearance. What happened is that they had the severe misfortune to win a Grammy for the second good album (the one we’re reviewing here), a development that nearly always triggers the insatiable ego of the honored artist, resulting in efforts tailored to earn more and more Grammies (which they did). While sometimes the Grammies get it right (even a stopped clock is right twice a day), the Grammies are primarily about the tastes and preferences of the music industry and the fans who have allowed themselves to be programmed by said industry. There is no consistent correlation between Grammies and musical excellence; in fact, the reverse is often true. Somewhere in the middle of One by One, The Foo Fighters chose to pursue commercially satisfying music and stick to the recipes that lead to enormous profits in a world populated by musical morons.
Therefore, the Foo Fighters were already cold on the slab when Norah Jones did a duet with Dave Grohl on In Your Honor, one of the most insipid pieces of music I’ve ever heard. Of course, that performance was nominated for a Grammy. I was therefore extremely concerned when I saw Norah in the credits of the last Belle and Sebastian album, and sure enough, the album is a clunker. We did get 2.5 good albums out of them, though, which is all you can hope for in these troubling times, even from Scotland.
The Reagan-Thatcher theory is quite reliable. Bjork had Debut and Post, then went downhill fast while trying to disguise her musical blemishes with bizarre cover art. Death Cab for Cutie fits the theory to the last decimal: two great albums (Transatlanticism and Plans) and a half-decent effort (Narrow Stairs) before going down the toilet with Codes and Keys. Oasis is an unusual case because if you do the math you come up with 3.5, but I would argue that the band with Gem Archer and Andy Bell is a different band than the original, so Oasis must be split into two distinct periods and analyzed as such.
What makes my theories so powerful is that I can alter them to fit whatever the fuck argument I want to make! That alone is worth a Nobel!
After a quirky début album, the Foo Fighters exploded onto the scene with The Colour and the Shape, an album of creative liberation for ex-Nirvana drummer and Foo front man Dave Grohl. There Is Nothing Left to Lose came next, just before the end of the millenium, and confirmed that the previous album was no fluke. The difference between the two is that The Colour and the Shape is a dazzling array of musical styles while There Is Nothing Left to Lose has less diversity but stronger melodies.
You certainly don’t hear that distinction in the first song, “Stacked Actors,” which sounds like Dave is trying to violently expel the last traces of Nirvana from his system. It’s a grungy, tuneless effort where Dave screams and growls about his disgust with the L. A. scene (a disgust that led him and the rest of his now three-member band to record this album in far-off Virginia). Given his later sellout to the industry, Dave’s position on the virtues of Hollywood culture would obviously evolve, making him the Mitt Romney of rock ‘n’ roll. He’s now buddy-buddy with all those “dead actors, stacked to the rafters,” making this song even more ridiculous in retrospect. Skip it.
“Breakout” probably would have been a better opener, and though it doesn’t qualify as particularly melodic either, it’s a much better rocker. By this time, Dave Grohl had finally found a drummer almost as good as . . . Dave Grohl. He’d rescued Taylor Hawkins from the clutches of Alanis Morissette, and while he doesn’t have the thunder of Grohl at his best, he combines sufficient force with excellent chops. He gives us a solid preview of his skills on “Breakout,” pounding out a strong bash with well-placed punctuation.
The other thing that characterized the pre-sellout Foo Fighters and was sadly lost when Dave Grohl started to take himself too seriously was their approach to music videos. The Foo Fighters made the funniest videos in the music business, satirizing the genre and the notion of rock stars being worship-worthy idols. The “Breakout” video is a hoot, and it’s not even the best from the album:
The honor for best video from There Is Nothing Left to Lose goes to “Learn to Fly,” a solid rocker with a strong melody, encouraging both pelvic movement and enthusiastic sing-alongs. The core verse arrangement with its combination of bright chords played over Taylor’s syncopated drum attack is irresistible, and Dave Grohl delivers a clean and spirited lead vocal throughout. Definitely one of the best-structured songs in the Foo Fighters’ catalog, “Learn to Fly” kicks ass and lifts the spirit. And the video, featuring stellar multi-character performances by all the band members, is an absolute hoot!
I love how they chose to open the film with a cheesy version of one of their best-known songs (“Everlong”) playing in the background, reminding us not to take them or any other rock stars too seriously. If only they’d meant it!
I haven’t mentioned the third leg of the Foo stool (that sounds gross—sorry), so I will now. Nate Mendel is a great bass player with several impressive performance on this album, including “Gimme Stitches.” This bouncy little number dominated by blood-and-guts metaphors for acrimonious relationships proves two things: one, that Dave Grohl is a hobbled lyricist at best; and two, that Nate Mendel knows how to drive a song all by himself. His disciplined but full-sounding approach to bass works wonders here, especially his subtle runs to that throb to a satisfying climax (that sounds sexual—not sorry).
The Foos continue the intensity with “Generator,” famous for Dave Grohl’s use of an electronic talk box that echoes Peter Frampton. The lyrics remain weak, but the pounding energy from Taylor Hawkins and solid bass from Nate Mandel make this a keeper. Here’s a live performance with talk box in full view:
I have a deep attraction to heavy bass that fills the room without quite knocking the vases off the tables, so it’s no wonder that my favorite song on the album is “Aurora.” The main riff comes from the bass and fills me as satisfyingly as an engorged cock when it fills my vagina (no, boys, it’s not size, it’s the Four P’s: position, pressure, presence and panache). The song glides along as if you’re taking a quiet drive through the country, with a beautiful melody dancing lightly over the floor provided by Nate Mendel’s bass. Sadly, the erection collapses with a pffft in the next song, “Live in Skin,” a throwaway I often skip.
Dave Grohl’s fascination with space travel led to the creation of “Next Year,” a tale best told in the promotional video and not in the once-again lightweight lyrics. Please note that the music on the video is different from the version on the album. There is no “false ending” where the song appears to stop and comes back for one more round, which was unnecessary anyway. More importantly, Chris Shiflett, who would join the band after the release, sings harmony on a few lines. This is big because There Is Nothing Left to Lose is virtually harmony-free, one of the record’s greatest deficiencies. I felt that absence even more strongly after listening to “Lonely As You” from their next album, One by One, a song that features stand-up-and-applaud harmonies.
The lyrics become even more oblique in “Headwires,” but the song is rescued by the strong groove, pleasant melody and Taylor Hawkins’ nimble performance on the cymbals. The man is in the groove, ladies and gentlemen! It leads to Taylor’s favorite song on the album, the lush “Ain’t It the Life,” a slower number with a slight country feel and another memorable melody. “M. I. A.” closes the proceedings, a song that feels like an album-ending opus but falls short of achieving it due once again to fairly scattered lyrics. From a musical perspective, though, the song is solid, well-structured and appropriately melodic.
With two good albums in the can, the Foos would adhere to the Reagan-Thatcher Theory with the half-decent One by One, where it’s obvious that Dave Grohl has begun thinking of himself more as a rock star than a musical artist. The circumstantial evidence is that the Grammy for There’s Nothing Left to Lose went to his head, deadening the frontal lobe enough for him to become very rich and very famous.
Fame, more than wealth, seems to drive artists into the Venus fly trap of Reagan-Thatcher. Ben Gibbard of Death Cab went Hollywood, married Zooey Deschanel and lost all of his creative edge (their divorce has been celebrated by ghoulish fans in the hope that the split means a return to form). Belle and Sebastian were featured in the New York Times Sunday Magazine, amplifying the Norah Jones effect by a hundredfold. A good album puts you on the industry radar, a second good one earns you the Grammy nomination and the third album can be half-crap, but when you’re rolling in dough and mommy’s proud of you, who gives a fuck about the quality of the music?
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If you take those four music theories and put them in a blender, pulse a few times what you pour out would be my music collection. I would modify the wording of the Nora jones theory slightly; Any album with the word “Featuring” on the cover would be at best a drink coaster.
I can count on one hand the number of artist/bands that have more than two releases in my collection; Neil Young, Frank Zappa, D.A.D, Extreme and The Beatles. There are many modern, popular contempary artist/bands with less than one release in my collection such as The Foo Fighters,The Who, Arcade Fire and Ufucking2. That list is of course huge. Quite a few of the bands I listen to only have one or two releases. I assume this is because nobody has heard there music and they just fade away into obscurity. I like obscurity and listen to it every day.
Ah yes, “Featuring.” A dead give-away. I have a lot of onesy-twoseys as well, and a lot I wish were onesy-twoseys, like my five Goo Goo Dolls albums from my teens. But I’m proud that I own zero Ufucking2’s!
Altrockchick I give my Nobel (like) Award to you for your Insightful Music Theories (and not getting sucked into the Ufucking2 vortex of mediocrity which thankfully may have sucked itself to death).
I must confess that I have many gaping holes in my music collection caused mainly by lack of funds not the determination to sift through mountains of gravel to find the gems. The quantity of exposure seems heighten the intensity of brilliance.
Thank you! It is a very special moment when you find those gems; I just wish it didn’t take so much work!
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