(C)2006, Derek Ramsey Photo (c)2006 Derek Ramsey (Ram-Man), GFDL 1.2 <http://www.gnu.org/licenses/old-licenses/fdl-1.2.html>, via Wikimedia Commons
Do you ever get the feeling that you want to blow the whole thing up and start over? Well, that’s what I decided to do during the week leading up to my birthday.
Berlin
It all started when I woke up on Sunday, July 25, to the news of the attack on Berlin Pride. Because I am an LGBTQ person with several connections to LGBTQ friends in Berlin, I fully expected to get a call from my director asking me to hop on a plane to Berlin to assess the temperature in the community. While waiting for the call, I decided to get ahead of the curve and called some of my connections, assuming I’d hear from the boss sooner or later. My friends told me that the situation had begun to deteriorate before the tragedy, in the form of verbal and physical attacks by right-wingers. This was surprising because Berlin had always been a haven for non-heterosexuals, and now people were getting scared.
Two days later, I still hadn’t heard from my boss, so I called her. When I opened up the subject of right-wing attacks, she cut me off and told me that the situation was being handled by immigration and the local police, and I was not to get involved. She reminded me that the EU does not interfere with state politics, and that it was up to the Germans to deal with the right-wing as they see fit. I replied, “I will send you my resignation immediately.” I was already pretty frustrated with the EU due to the rightward shift of the EU Parliament, and in all the time I worked there, I could only count one or two success stories where I made a real difference. The fundamental problem in most democracies today is toxic partisan politics, and I will never work in a politically oriented organization again.
Since a contractor cannot receive unemployment benefits if they leave before the contract ends, you might think quitting was a dumb move on my part, but I already had a backup plan that worked like a charm. Our consultancy remained operational, generally limited to Alicia’s accounting work, but after joining the EU, I continued to provide free advice to all our clients. When Alicia and I went to Quebec City for our vacation, we popped down to Montreal one night to have dinner with a client. She begged me to take on a new project she had in mind, and while it sounded pretty exciting, I told her I’d have to think about it, given my job at the EU. After I emailed my resignation, I called her to accept the gig.
The aspect of consulting I most enjoyed was the ability to work on my own schedule, leaving plenty of room for fun and games. Most of the meetings with clients were Zoom calls from home, and whenever we met with a client live and in person, we’d always tack on an extra day or two to take in the sights. So, instead of trying to land a job, I’m returning to the consulting world, helping NGOs strengthen their messaging to increase participation and donations from their supporters. I will continue working in the field of human rights, but this time as a volunteer. Domestic violence is a serious problem in Ireland, and I have a lot of experience in the field that I can put to good use.
I have exited the chrysalis, and now I’m a free-floating butterfly.
Growing Pessimism and Schedule-Phobia
When we returned from our around-the-world honeymoon, I had decided that the world was worth saving and I wanted to make a significant contribution to human rights. Alas, things didn’t work out with the EU, and over the past few months I’ve become more pessimistic about our future due to the obvious failure of efforts to stop global warming and the emergence of a new Axis of Evil, led by two Cold War enemies: the United States and Russia. Many countries have taken a hard right turn, increasing the likelihood of forever wars, more pollution, oppression of minorities and “undesirables,” and the collapse of basic human rights. I was naïve to think I could have made a difference in such a poisonous environment. The depressing big picture has also impacted my writing. Distracted by the daily flood of bad news, I have been experiencing bouts of writer’s block, and the pressure of the weekly schedule only makes things worse.
In addition to rekindling the consultancy, I need to chill out, stop doomscrolling, and cut back on the review schedule, writing only when my head is clear and the music motivates me. I will continue to publish reviews on Sundays, but not every week. From my perspective, I will have completed my study of a century of popular music when I finish up with Bob Dylan, my survey of music in the post-WWI period, and a handful of albums that contribute to the overall narrative. I’ll also carve out some time to clean up earlier reviews that need it and reformat them in the song-by-song structure for consistency’s sake. That effort will probably take a year or so, and I might publish new reviews when the inspiration strikes.
I want to assure readers that I have no intention of shutting down the site. A couple of months ago, I checked my online presence and found that several sites link to my reviews. I hate the thought of leaving those folks with dead links, so for better or worse, the altrockchick will leave her legacy open to the public for the foreseeable future.
Love your album reviews so please keep them coming as and when you can and if you want to!
Remember there’s plenty of kind good folk in the world, so don’t let the b’stards (the orange one & non-smiling one) grind you down!
A Bowie obsessive.
All the best. You have done so much when it comes to voicing your perspectives on music in particular and life in general; your writings have made me clarify my own views on similar topics and helped me reinforce my own opinions in a way that is much more accommodating to others. Thank you and all the best. Keep ‘em coming as you see fit. I will be here.
You don’t have to do what you’re doing. But you should do it if you want to. And not do it if you don’t want to. You’ve done a lot, and it could potentially live forever online, whether you decided to continue it or not.
I’m really glad that you recognize the awful rightward shift is not unique to the U.S. It’s an unfortunately global tidal wave. Maybe this pendulum swing is a counter-balance to the progressive wave of the last couple of decades. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it is very unpleasant to experience. The pendulum will likely swing back at some point in the future.
Dear Rebel Angel,
It is so sad what you are going through; this life is a gloomy business, isn’t it?
The good thing is that you are putting your health and peace of mind above the reviews. Even though I get frustrated when the weekly reviews are cut back, I am glad to know you are doing it for your own well-being.
Your devoted admirer,
Sheridan
Thank you for apprising us of the situation. I understand that you cannot continue to carry out your duties if those duties violate your conscience. You resigned as a matter of principle.
With that said, right-wingers can certainly be blamed for many things. However, the attack at Berlin Pride is not one of them. While there is no doubt right-wingers have long held a great antagonism towards the LGBTQ community, an Islamist is responsible for carrying out this specific attack.
Islamists can neither be characterized as Left nor Right as their ideology dates such concepts. In this particular case, the assailant traveled to Syria and attempted to join ISIS only last year. German authorities were trying to “deradicalize” him. Needless to say, their attempt at deradicalization failed in the most tragic manner possible. As you know, Germany has been subjected to multiple ramming attacks from both Islamist and non-Islamist actors alike over the past decade. Their efforts in preventing such attacks, whatever their ideological inspiration, has also failed. Unfortunately, yet another attack, whomever the target might be, will likely happen again.
Setting all pessimism aside for the moment, I hope that your new gig you have accepted brings you the satisfaction that you did not get with the EU. As always, I look forward to your future dispatches. All the best to you and yours.
In the original version of this post, I described how I woke up, checked Le Monde and wrote “another religious nutcake drove a car through a crowd of celebrants in a replay of the Nice attack.” I was going to post it a week ago, but I had more important things to do, and I thought that by this time everyone knew it an Islamist was responsible, so I deleted that reference to focus on the indifferent response from the EU to the ongoing problem with the right-wing, which is what led to my resignation.
Thanks for keeping us in the loop. Glad to hear you have found a way to clear your path and move forward. Music can’t change the world…we are still singing about causes that we were singing about in the 60’s…The Times they are a-Changing….Give Peace a Chance etc…turns out they haven’t changed much at all unfortunately. BUT, as long as we keep singing there will be Joy in the world.
I love reading your takes on albums, so glad to hear you aren’t throwing in the towel!
You’re the inverse of a dumb-ass broad. Your values, essays, low-key wisdom, humor and insight… I only discovered your online presence recently and was instantly enchanted by the tone of your take on popular music. I hope you find your equilibrium again, and soon; I share your zeitgeist dread but am convinced we’ll all feel better when you post your next review and we get to read it.
You’re to be commended for taking a stand which is increasingly rare in this day and age but I’m very glad that you’ll be keeping the site open. I’ll be happy to read your reviews whenever they appear.
It’s funny that this showed up today. My wife was just fired (forced into retirement) this past week after 42 years of employment in a government organization. She was told by HR that she was no longer capable of running her department following a clerical error that was the fault of the HR department. A lawsuit is already in the works and she’s loaded with evidence… Hats off to you for standing up for yourself and what is right. Yes! Life changes, and changing the world starts with one person. You truly ARE a hero, and although it can seem trivial in terms of the world’s problems, Thanks You For Keeping This Site Going! All The Best!
The problem with HR people is they’ve never figured out whose side they’re on, but when push comes to shove, they give in to upper management and screw everyone else. I hope your wife crushes them in court!
Regularly i share your views and certainly so on these topics of future, humanism and humanity – even more as this old world currently is up in flames and draughts and wars.
Europe is changing (and not for good, hopefully) along the lines of “Europa der Vaterländer”, a not-so-new mantra of old conservatives and neo-fascists alike. And of course our old friend Donald T. Fuck is at the forefront of a cultural war very possibly altering our future…
So while i do applaud your integrity and convictions it’s a pity like you a lot of those rare persons holding up core values of the “old EU” even under “new and right-wing terms” are leaving – which i of course can understand.
We cannot give up and give in to that sinking feeling.
So thank you for keeping up your (consulting) work and I’m looking forward to seeing again another slice of your musival and personal evolution.
It would appear that your resignation from the EU was due to partisan politics, which you note is everywhere these days. An existential struggle, to be sure, between the forces of Good and the forces of Evil. I do disagree that the “new” Axis of Evil is between Russia and the U.S. The U.S. is currently under siege by its right-wing Christian nationalists, but there is still hope. Trump is deeply unpopular, and midterm elections are coming up soon. Meanwhile, Russia is aligning itself with North Korea, and China continues toward total totalitarianism under Xi.
Let’s hope that the rightward drift of the EU is stymied by the bold example of Hungary, and that the better angels assume control of the U.S. fairly soon.
Please continue to do your music reviews. As Saint Jim Morrison told us, “Music is your only friend, until The End.”
Hungary was where I felt I made a difference, and the EU should be following their lead in dealing with other Eastern European countries. Right now the U.S. and Russia are the immediate dangers because they’re run by impulsive narcissists who need to prove how tough they are. The Chinese strategy is the long game, probing for openings and waiting for their perceived enemies to make a mistake, and Trump has given them a golden opportunity with his stupid war. Yesterday I read a piece in the Times describing how American’s Asian allies have doubts that the U.S will be there to protect them if China attacks, and except for the idiot who runs NATO, Europeans feel the same way. Oddly enough, since Xi stepped up his crackdown on Christians and LGBTQ people, the number of Chinese visiting my site has exploded, but I have yet to receive any comments from them. I’d like to believe I’m giving them hope, but who knows?
I’d say the odds of continuing to write are pretty good, but at a slower pace.
You are nothing less than a hero for telling the EU cowards to take their job and shove it . Please accept love, admiration and support for your next steps. If you don’t like surprises, this is the wrong planet for you. You’ll thrice. Speaking of BIG surprises, new Stones album has 3 great songs…. this after only dreck since about 1990.
Integrity. As we say in te reo Māori, Kia kaha!