Tag Archives: John Sebastian

Woodstock (album) – Classic Music Review

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I suggest you beg your Baby Boomer parents not to leave you this in the will.

Disclosing My Biases

Look. I’m a city girl. I have spent most of my life living in cities. I spent four years in an L. A. burb while going to college and it felt like I was marooned on a desert island. Except for a few days last year on the Canary Islands, all my vacations during my adult years have centered around big cities. I love the noise, the smells, the sounds, the people, the nightlife, the culture, the food, the crowding, the energy of the metropolis. I like opening my door in the morning and feeling I’m right there in the center of it all. If I get the rare urge to do nature, I’ll take a walk in a manicured city park, head for the baseball stadium (most have grass and dirt, you know) or make for the seashore (assuming they have the proper facilities and a bar).

This is not to say that I don’t appreciate nature. I fully understand how the destruction of the Amazon rain forests contribute to global warming. I want all the animals in Africa to receive full protection from selfish, greedy humans. I love my natural, cruelty-free cosmetics. I just want nature to stay over there, away from me, and leave me in civilized peace.

I did nature once. Once in my teens, my father had the gall to take me camping, an act for which I will never forgive him as long as I live.

We arrived at the campsite on a Friday night after a 6-hour, traffic-clogged drive across the Golden Gate and through the main roads and backroads of Marin, Sonoma and Mendocino counties. All the while my father serenaded me with tales of lovely meadows brimming with wildflowers and butterflies, the sublime experience of sleeping under the stars and how much better food tasted when consumed in the great outdoors. “You mean like the hot dogs at Candlestick?” I asked, searching for a frame of reference. “Even better,” he assured me, finishing off his Disney-esque sales pitch.

We pulled into the state park, checked in with the rangers, drove a little bit further and found our reserved campsite just as it was getting dark. My father got out of the car and inhaled the fog-cooled air filled with scent of redwoods. “Ah, fresh air! Nothing like it to rejuvenate a man’s soul!”

“Whatever, dad,” I said, lighting a cigarette.

He grabbed a flashlight, surveyed the grounds, kicked some dirt around, then marched purposely over to the trunk and pulled out a couple of sleeping bags. “We’ll sleep over there. There’s a clearing in the trees and we can fall asleep watching the night sky. Look at all those stars!”

“Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Are you trying to tell me that we’re sleeping on the ground?”

“Well, yeah, sunshine, that’s what you do when you’re camping.”

“You want me to sleep on the dirt? On the filthy dirt? Where all the bugs and worms and snakes crawl around? Where all the animals piss and shit?”

“You’re not sleeping on the dirt. You’ll be in a sleeping bag and the sleeping bag will be on a tarp. There aren’t any snakes around here.”

“But what about the worms? I don’t want to wake up with worms crawling through my ears! And what about the bugs? Bugs can fly! Are you insane?”

“I brought some bug spray. Come on, it’ll be fun! You’ll sleep like a baby!”

“You’re a maniac! I’m sleeping in the car.”

I grabbed a sleeping bag, jumped into the back seat and locked all the doors to protect myself against ravenous carnivores. Then I lulled myself to sleep by fantasizing about turning my father over to the authorities on charges of child abuse. The next morning I awoke to a knocking sound and saw the soon-to-be convict outside, holding a steaming cup. I rolled down the window and the smell of fresh coffee tickled my nose.

“Is that real coffee?” I said, hopefully.

“Yep. Here you go.” I opened the window a bit more and let him hand me a cup of coffee in a plastic mug. I started to take a sip and there, floating on the surface was a fat, disgusting bug doing the backstroke. I screamed at the top of my lungs, threw the cup and its contents out the window, then rolled up the window as far as the crank would go to protect myself from any bug buddies who wanted to avenge the death of their comrade.

My dad tried to get me to eat some bacon and eggs he’d cooked up on a Coleman stove but I shook my head violently through the sealed windows. After a while, I was finally coaxed to munch on a granola bar and drink some bottled orange juice after diligently inspecting both packages for any signs of illicit insect entry.

Later in the morning he led me on a hike on one of the park trails. I spent the entire time in a state of near panic, my ears filled with the horrible buzzing of predatory insects, my hands and face sticky from the disgusting spider webs that crossed the path, my shoes caked with slightly moistened, shit-infested dirt. We eventually arrived at a clearing where my dad stopped to take some nature pictures. I looked around and a few yards away from me I saw some birds picking at something on the ground. I moved a little closer and found they were breakfasting on the fly-covered brains of a squirrel who had gone to meet his maker.

I screamed, ran like lightning back towards the campsite, tripped on a rock and wound up twisting my ankle. Dad carried me back to our campsite and calmed my hysterics by cracking open a bottle of Jack Daniels he’d stuffed in his backpack. I don’t usually care for whisky, but at that moment, Jack Daniels tasted like manna from heaven. After a few belts and a couple of cigarettes, I had nearly recovered my sanity. While I was recovering from the terrors of nature, dad loaded the trunk, and after wrapping my ankle in an Ace bandage and helping me into the car, he started the engine and soon we were speeding away from the heart of darkness and back towards civilization.

So . . . when I think about 300,000 people who willingly spent three days on a dairy farm, eating and sleeping in rain, mud and cowshit, swimming in scummy ponds and then fucking each other with microbes and bacteria all over their bodies . . . just to hear pathetic bands like Country Joe & The Fish, The Incredible String Band and Crosby, Stills & Nash . . . I think they had to be the dumbest fucking people who ever lived. I wouldn’t have gone to Woodstock if you had filled me with enough acid that I couldn’t tell my tits from my elbows and the bill had featured The Beatles, The Stones, The Kinks and a resurrected Buddy Holly.

Now that I have fully disclosed my biases, let’s explore the album that allegedly documented the “seminal event of the 1960’s.”

The Review

In preparation for this review, I watched the extended documentary, had my dad play the original vinyl version while gathering my parents’ impressions and listened to the latest CD version with “such good sound quality.” For balance, I also listened to the grand satire of the event, National Lampoon’s Lemmings. I scoured the Internet for articles, memoirs and press coverage. I also refreshed my memory on the historical events preceding and following Woodstock as well as various myths that were prominent in the era so I could put the album in its proper context.

I have to partially commend Gene Sculatti, the author of the liner notes for the CD release for admitting that what you hear on Woodstock is not pure documentary. The cricket-chirping and the rainstorm are fake. The audience on The Fuck Cheer was dubbed in. The live performance of “Sea of Madness” by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young was recorded at Fillmore East.

I can only partially commend Sculatti because when he starts writing about the music, he perceives everything through the nostalgic lens of an aging baby-boomer (who also happened to write for Rolling Stone). All the music was great. Pathetic performances are transformed into moments of legend and lore. He also fails to question the underlying ethos of the hippie movement, but that is hardly surprising. If you objectively attempt to answer the question, “What was the primary characteristic of the hippie movement?” the only possible answer is “the complete denial of reality.”

We’ll go into that topic in more detail throughout the review and in an interview with my parents at the end of this post, but for now . . . the music awaits.

John Sebastian, “I Had a Dream”: Woodstock is not a chronological record of the event; Sebastian didn’t appear until day two. It would have been better for the audience if he hadn’t shown up at all. The “dream theme” of the 1960’s is regurgitated here in a sappy piece of hippie tripe. Sculatti makes a lame attempt to link this silly song to Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech, calling it “poignantly anachronistic” in the classic style of a pompous ass from Rolling Stone. The most revealing aspect of the song is the mythological reference in the first verse:

I had a dream last night
What a lovely dream it was
I dreamed we all were alright
Happy in a land of Oz

The Wizard of Oz was the dominant myth for millions of Baby Boomer children, particularly in the United States. Unlike today where we can stream any movie any time we want, The Wizard of Oz appeared on television only once per year, and at least half the families in the USA tuned in for the fun. It was publicized as a special, a term that really meant something back then. And what did all these future denizens of Haight-Ashbury and Woodstock learn from The Wizard of Oz? That all you needed to show people you were smart was a diploma. That all you needed to show people you that you cared was to carry a tchotchke that symbolized love. That all you needed to show people you had courage was a medal. It didn’t matter at all that you received these gifts from a wizard who proved to be a complete fraud. All that mattered was validation from a source that was generally accepted by the public as a credible source of recognition. And how did our heroine make it back to Kansas? Glenda the Good Witch told her that she had the power all along, so she clicked her red slippers three times and in seconds she had the thing she wanted most. If you believe hard enough, all your dreams will come true. If we all believe it, it must be true.

So while Dorothy made it back home to eventually fulfill her destiny as a farmer’s wife, the scarecrows went to college to get their diplomas, the lions went to Nam or joined the National Football League to earn their battle scars, and the tin men wore beads and peace symbols and became the flower children. And they all adopted the philosophy that if you believe hard enough, all your dreams will come true; if we all believe it, it must be true. And if things don’t work out, hey, life’s a dream!

Such a ludicrous philosophy is what made it possible for 300,000 people to believe that camping in the mud for three days and nights was like a trip to the magical land of Oz.

Canned Heat, “Going Up the Country”: After the fake crickets, Canned Heat takes the virtual stage. Alan “Blind Owl” Wilson’s voice is completely shot, his falsetto cracking while the notes he tries to hit remain as elusive as world peace. Henry Vestine supports the effort with a lead solo that begins frightfully out of tune. I keep waiting for the gunshot from Lemmings to put these people out of their misery. The song fades into more fake crickets and the sounds of setting up the venue: trucks, hammering, men shouting, light crowd buzz. We get the first announcement, the famous “brown acid” warning: “It’s suggested that you do stay away from that—of course, it’s your own trip, so be my guest.” The gentleman who made that announcement probably holds a high position in the Food and Drug Administration today. A sound check guy shows that he’s making the scene by repeating “number nine, number nine, number nine” to test the mikes. Oh, for fuck’s sake.

Richie Havens, “Freedom”: “Let’s welcome Mr. Richie Havens,” intones the emcee. That’s another wrinkle in time, for Richie responds by playing the last song of his set.

Richie Havens must have been a really nice guy. The morons who “planned” the festival couldn’t get the next act to Yasgur’s Farm on time, so Richie had to play . . . and play . . . and play. He played so long he ran out of songs, so he ended this set with this improvisation based on the spiritual, “Motherless Child.” Given that context, his performance is one of the more remarkable efforts of the entire weekend. He begins tentatively, stops to tune his guitar (one of the few musicians who performed that act at Woodstock), finds a chord and rhythm he likes, patiently instructs the sound tech to adjust the guitar mike and then . . . away we go. He belts this sucker out with such absolute confidence that you’re convinced he’s played the song a thousand times before. Richie is so in touch with himself that he uses varied intonation on the word “freedom” to uncover multiple meanings: sometimes it’s a shout for freedom, other times a frustrated plea, and on one occasion it sounds like he’s pondering its deeper meaning. His only mistake was to urge the crowd to clap their hands, for what he gets in return is the acoustic equivalent of defective time-lapse photography. The film shows him exiting the stage still playing and mouthing some words, probably something like, “These dumb white motherfuckers couldn’t plan a birthday party for a five-year old with no friends.”

Country Joe & The Fish, “Rock and Soul Music”: Man, I need to clean up my karma or something. I thought I’d gotten rid of these bastards in my review of Electric Music for the Mind and Body. Well, here they are again, and they’re going to give us “a little taste of something we call rock-and-soul music,” covering two genres in which they are completely incompetent. The only virtue of this song is that lasts less than two minutes. It ends with a shout of “Marijuana!” This proves to be an allegedly clever way to introduce the next performer and his wretched offering.

Arlo Guthrie, “Coming into Los Angeles.”: I asked my dad once, “Is there any song in your vast collection that you never, ever want to hear again?” He answered immediately and without hesitation. “‘Coming into Los Angeles’ by Arlo Guthrie. That song came out and every asshole with an acoustic guitar learned it and played it over and over and over again. You couldn’t walk three blocks in any direction in San Francisco without hearing the damn thing.” The news that this song actually achieved some level of popularity was a disturbing piece of information indeed. Explicitly designed to exploit the stoner market, this has to be one of the worst songs ever conceived, and Arlo Guthrie proves conclusively that he is no chip off the old block with his exaggerated, crowd-pandering, chit-chat (lingo italicized):

“Hey, it’s far out, man. I don’t you know if you, uh—I don’t know like how many of you can dig how many people there are, man. Like I was rappin’ to the fuzz, right, can you dig it? Man, there’s supposed to be a million and a half people here by tomorrow night. Can you dig that? New York State Thruway’s closed, man! (Laughs.) Yeah . . . lotta freaks!

I asked my dad if people back then really talked like that and he said, “Only the phonies.”

Sha Na Na, “At the Hop”: An amateurishly despicable performance of a rock ‘n’ roll classic by a group of musical entrepreneurs looking for a market niche. The lead singer doesn’t even try to initiate Danny’s classically nasal Philly accent. Bunch of fucking clowns.

Country Joe McDonald, “I Feel Like I’m Fixing to Die Rag”: Goddamn it all to hell! This guy is really starting to irk me, and I don’t like being irked! The track opens with The Fake Fuck Cheer, and then the last guy to leave the party still wants to sing us one more song on his fucking gee-tar. The song sounds weak in comparison to the studio version, but it’s probably Country Joe’s masterpiece, relatively speaking. The problem with it is that it’s a novelty song, and once you’ve heard all the punch lines, there really isn’t any reason to hear it again. The crowd at Woodstock apparently felt the same way, responding limply to Country Joe’s attempt to turn the experience into a singalong. This really irks Country Joe, and after three wimpy verses he chastises the children like an old foul-mouthed schoolmarm: “Listen, people, I don’t know how you expect to ever stop the war if you can’t sing any better than that. There’s about 300,000 of you fuckers out there! I want you to start singin’! Come on!” We’re in the land of Oz again, folks, where you can stop wars just by singing along with good ol’ Country Joe. Why, I’ll bet ol’ Tricky Dick heard those voices all the way down in Washington D. C. and called the whole thing off! Let me check the history books . . . nah.

Joan Baez and some New Left loser named Jeffrey Shurtleff, “Drugstore Truck Driving Man” and “Joe Hill”: Oh, man oh man oh man. Can you dig it? There’s actually someone in the world I find more irksome than Country Joe and that is the sanctimonious Joan Baez. Her voice communicates such ideological purity that I want to scream every time I hear it. The two-song set opens with the astonishing claim from Shurtleff hat the draft resistance movement was “different than other movements and revolutions in this country in that we have no enemies.” What? I was born over a decade after this and even I knew how all those people who voted for Nixon and Wallace felt about draft dodgers. And right now I just typed in “Carter draft amnesty” into Google and the first result was a link to the History Channel page titled “Carter Pardons Draft Dodgers.” Everything I’ve read about the New Left is that they were arrogant pricks who thought they had all the answers, but I didn’t think they were that naïve. We’re now treated to a duet between the two purists that I suppose is sort of a satiric protest song, but it’s pretty obvious that it was written with a sledgehammer. Then Saint Joan takes center stage and waxes lyrical about her New Left hubbie, David Harris, who had spent his recent stretch in the hoosegow organizing a hunger strike among the prisoners. She is so proud of her little man! Shit, any idiot could organize a hunger strike in a fucking prison—you think they serve those guys Chateaubriand every night? Saint Joan then drags out the hoary “Joe Hill,” a song about the legendary organizer of the early 20th century who was wiped out by the copper barons. The song asserts that Joe never dies, a phenomenon that fits right into the entire Oz mythology. The song also works in Oz because it completely ignores the cold reality that labor unions of the postwar era were noted more for their corrupt leaders than their efforts on behalf of the working stiff.

Saint Joan in bed with Jimmy Hoffa. Imagine that. Could have been another Jack Nicholson-Anjelica Huston matchup.

Crosby, Stills, Nash (and a little bit of Young, “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes,” “Sea of Madness,” “Wooden Ships”: CSNY is where hippies went to die, especially those who still thought the dream was still alive after the political slaughter (both literal and at the polls) of 1968. My dad still has their records and he knows that if he ever plays one in my presence I will immediately pack my bags and leave. Here they open with that ludicrous ode to that lacy lilting lady losing love lamenting Judy Collins, and Stills’ guitar and voice are laughingly out of tune. Graham Nash hits his spots, but I’ve never known what the hell David Crosby does or why. Neil Young’s piece, “Sea of Madness,” lifted lazily from Fillmore East, is played like they had a flight to catch. The best line in “Wooden Ships” is “We are leaving: you don’t need us.” Amen to that, brother!

The Who, “We’re Not Gonna Take It”: Apparently The Who performed all of Tommy at Woodstock, so I should be very thankful that only the last five minutes are included on this record. All I can say is that the performance is much better in the movie with Daltrey’s muscles flexing through the fringe of his costume as he raises his arms to the heavens. In still pictures, his costume looks fucking ridiculous, and as for the quality of the audio-only version . . . well, folks, let me give you a tip. When you’re going to sing something, it’s a really bad mistake to miss that first note by a mile and a half. The rest of the performance sounds like The Who are very, very tired, and they probably were.

After The Who leave the stage, we’re treated to a couple of stage announcements, the most important of which is the announcement that the Woodstock Music & Art Fair is now a free concert. The announcement reveals that the hippies were not as enlightened as they claimed to be:

This is one thing that . . . I was going to wait awhile before we talked about it, but maybe we’ll talk about it now so you can think about it, because you all—we all—have to make some kinds of plans for ourselves. It’s a free concert from now on. That doesn’t mean that anything goes—what that means is we’re going to put the music up here for free. Now, let’s face the situation: we’ve had thousands and thousands of people come here today. Many, many more than even knew or dreamt or thought would be possible. We’re gonna need each other to help each other to work this out because we’re taxing the systems that we have set up. We’re going to be bringing the food in. But the one major thing you have to remember tonight when you go back up into the woods to go to sleep or if you stay here—is that the man next to you is your brother and you damn well better treat each other that way because if we don’t, we blow the whole thing, but we’ve got it, right there.

I had no idea that Woodstock was a stag party. Well, at least it was in one asshole’s mind.

Joe Cocker, “With a Little Help from My Friends”: My dad confirmed my suspicions that John Belushi completely destroyed Joe Cocker as a credible performer. “Before Belushi did his thing, Cocker’s version of ‘Little Help from My Friends’ was considered one of the great masterpieces of the decade, right up there with ‘A Day in the Life.'” I tried to get my head around that while I listened to this piece three times, hoping to magically transport myself back into that era and really try to hear the magic that the listeners of the time heard in this cover. I do think the arrangement is very clever, dispensing with the jaunty beat in the verses of the original for a more majestic, dramatic feel. And in the first couple of verses, Cocker’s not bad at all. It’s only as he starts to feel it that he begins to sound like Frankenstein hit by a bolt of lightning. I watched the film and saw no evidence of foaming at the mouth, but I sure as shit can hear it. He sounds like a madman with a splintered stick up his ass.

At the end of this track is one of the more Oz-like moments: the rainstorm. “Hey, if we think really hard, maybe we can stop this rain!” If we close our eyes and click our heels, we’ll be back home in Kansas.

Because the LP ran out of room, the rainstorm sequence continues for three minutes into the next track. You’ll definitely want to skip those three minutes, where the lemmings are deeply engaged in a rain chant. Due to the mental limitations of the participants, the “melody” is only one-fourth of the pattern of “Land of 1000 Dances.” The drumming is classic beach-bongo quality, and some idiot has to pull out a kazoo towards the end. This kazoo player is quite a show-off, replicating the five-note melody in two different octaves. What a fucking genius.

Santana, “Soul Sacrifice”: Omigod. Is that a musician I hear? One who can really play? Omigod! It is! Carlos, I could suck your cock right now, buddy! Pull it out and show me what you’ve got! Okay, now that we’ve dispensed with your touch of erotica for the day, I will simply state that the difference between Santana and all the acts who preceded them is as wide as the evolutionary difference between the human and the paramecium. They’re tight, they’re tuned-up and they’re on fire. Santana’s appearance at Woodstock, occasioned by besting It’s a Beautiful Day in a coin flip, was timed to coincide with the release of their first album. While I can admire the perfect timing of a product release, what’s more impressive is how musically superior they are to the big names surrounding them on the bill. It’s not even close.

After Carlos and crew exit the stage, we have one of the most insightful announcements of them all: the reading of The New York Times. Counterculture my ass: these people cared a great deal about what The Establishment thought of them. You can’t get any more Establishment than The New York Times!

Okay, okay. Okay people, we got The Times! Okay. On the front page, you have on the left, a very big aerial photo of a huge mass of people, which are YOU and it says, “Music was the magic for throngs at Woodstock Music and Art Fair. Towers near the stage hold large figures. 300,000 at folk rock fair camp out in a sea of mud.” (Laughs, cheers.) Dig it, dig it . . . Despite massive traffic jams, drenching thunderstorms, shortages of food, water, medical facilities, about 300,000 young people swarmed over this rural area today for The Woodstock Music and Art Fair. At the prospect of drugs and the excitement of making the scene, the young people came in droves, camping in the woods, romping in the mud, talking, smoking and listening to (unintelligible) music. Quote: “Participants well-behaved!”

After all that talk of revolution against their pig parents, they were still desperate for their approval. See how well-behaved I am, daddy?

Ten Years After, “I’m Goin’ Home”: Here I have a bias in response to bias. Alvin Lee is a fucking homophobe, and as a half-homo I find him intensely offensive. The first verse of “I’d Love to Change the World” sends me into a near-violent tizzy:

Everywhere is freaks and hairies
Dykes and fairies
Tell me where is sanity?

And here he is at the center of history’s largest love-in. I guess “try to love one another right now” only applied to heterosexuals. Fuck him.

Even if he weren’t a queer-baiting asshole, I also loathe his guitar style, which is histrionic in the extreme. It was guys like Alvin Lee who set the stage for guitar queens like Joe Satriani and Yngwie Malmsteen. Who gives a shit about who is the “fastest guitar player in the world?” Speed isn’t everything, people. If you’re a guy, do you really want to be known as the fastest fuck in the world?

Jefferson Airplane, “Volunteers”: If there’s one performance at Woodstock that conclusively proves that the hippies couldn’t put two and two together, it’s this one. Abandoning the superb melodies and harmonies of Surrealistic Pillow, the Airplane transformed themselves into the house band for The Weather Underground. The album Volunteers is full of Marxian, manifesto-like declarations about how “we” are going to take the fight to the streets and overthrow the pigs, as we hear in this not-very-stirring call to action:

Look what’s happening out in the streets
got a revolution got to revolution
Hey I’m dancing down the streets
got a revolution got to revolution
Ain’t it amazing all the people I meet
got a revolution got to revolution
One generation got old
One generation got soul

Translation: our parents won’t let us stay up past bedtime, so we’re going to start a revolution! We’ll turn nouns into verbs! That will show them!

Putting aside the sheer childishness of the message, did anybody wonder why a big, capitalistic, establishment-oriented record company like RCA Victor would agree to release a record threatening an anarchist overthrow of The United States of America? Answer, courtesy of Wikipedia: “Despite its controversies, the album was a commercial success, becoming the band’s fourth top twenty hit record and went gold within two months of its release.” Revolution was the Florida Land Boom of the 60’s!

The one good thing about this sloppily-performed piece of radical bullshit is that it gave The National Lampoon the line that inspired a satiric masterpiece: “Come on now, we’re marching to the sea.” Go, lemmings, go!

Sly and the Family Stone, “Medley”: A melange of “Dance to the Music,” “Hey Music Lover” and “I Want to Take You Higher,” this is another high point of the weekend, no pun intended. My curious indifference to the album Stand! is easily explained by what you hear on Woodstock. Free from the boundaries of the studio where Sly can’t get his hands on the latest technological gimmick, The Family Stone lets it rip in the great outdoors with ten times the energy and intensity of their studio work. There’s no question that Sly’s decision to spur a crowd of 300,000 drug users to shout out “HIGHER!” at the top of their lungs was the ultimate no-brainer (pun intended), but it’s still a very exciting passage—almost too exciting, for when they begin to play the song proper, there is a noticeable decline in kilowatt output. Sly’s vocals on this track are clearly superior to anything he ever did in the studio: he’s got the feel and he’s got the chops.

John Sebastian, “Rainbows All Over Your Blues”: Why a guy who had shot his wad as far back as 1966 got two slots on the Woodstock album is anybody’s guess, but this performance does have the virtue of introducing a supporting hypothesis to the Oz theory: that Woodstock was an experience for children who refused to grow up. Prior to the annual showings of The Wizard of Oz, the Broadway version of Peter Pan with Mary Martin in the title role was broadcast as an NBC special in 1955 and 1956, attracting record numbers of viewers. Perhaps Sebastian was watching, because here he certainly sounds like he’s flying on something, or living in an alternative reality:

“Wow. Far around! Far DOWN! Far UP! You’re truly amazing, you’re a whole city. And it’s so GROOVY to come here and see all of you people living in tents. A cloth house is all you need if you’ve got love. [reviewer’s note: I gagged here.] I’ll tell you . . . could I get a little bit of water . . . Hey, uh, I don’t know, you know, I don’t know how I could come much harder right now, but I’d like to sing you one little song, I’d like to sing you a song, actually I’d like to dedicate it to—there’s a cat and I really don’t even know his name but I remember that the chick said that uh, that uh, his old lady just had a baby and that made me think, wow, it really is a city here. But this is, this is for you and your old lady, man and whew! That kid’s gonna be far out.”

“Dreams do come true, if only we wish hard enough. You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it,” wrote J. M. Barrie. Well, not in this case. There is no credible evidence that any babies were born at Woodstock. The Daily Mail reported that there were eight miscarriages. CBS reported that after forty years, no one has come forward with a credible story that he or she is the Woodstock Baby, despite the incalculable financial opportunity of such an association.

Butterfield Blues Band, “Love March”: Oh, for fuck’s sake. Butterfield’s band also appears post-peak, and to rub their faces in the mud, the producers of this record allotted them this embarrassing attempt at crowd motivation.

Jimi Hendrix, “Star-Spangled Banner,” “Purple Haze,” “Instrumental Solo”: Another “legendary performance” ends our slog through the muck and mire of Woodstock. Jimi didn’t appear until Monday, after most of the crowd had either gone home, entered hospitals or gotten themselves busted. He tells the waning minions they can go home if they want, and that “we’re just jamming,” so the first couple of minutes are rather dull. Interest is piqued when he starts to play that horrible melody of Francis Scott Key, and various savants have speculated as to what was running through Jimi’s mind when he chose to play this particular number at the “seminal event.” The hippie obsession with connecting everything to some larger meaning or conspiracy is operating here, but Jimi denied any nefarious motive. When Dick Cavett asked Jimi if he thought his rendition was “blasphemous,” he replied in utter simplicity, “I thought it was beautiful.” That’s what it sounds like to me: a guitarist fascinated with the music he’s playing. As he plays the melody, he is also thinking of the lyrics as he goes, so he uses his mastery of guitar effects to create the rocket’s red glare and bombs bursting in air. I think it’s one of the most interesting interpretations of a fundamentally rotten song that I have ever heard. The rest of Jimi’s performance is pedestrian at best.

Looking Back with My Flower-Child Parents

ARC: So, I want to confirm for my readers that you were indeed Flower Children, that you went to love-ins and be-ins, hung out in the Haight, spent weekends at Fillmore West, did drugs, burned incense, all the usual stuff.

BOTH: (Laughs.)

DAD: Guilty as charged.

MAMAN: You forgot the headband. I loved my headbands!

ARC: Excuse the oversight. So, when it begin to dawn on you that the whole thing was bullshit?

MAMAN: (Arching her eyes.) I take it that this is not to be an unbiased interview. (Daughter hangs head in shame.) I never took it that seriously in the first place, the change-the-world idea. It was more about personal liberation for me. I would say that some of what happened made me feel hopeful for a while, but I lost that feeling after the assassinations. It took your father much longer to give up the dream.

ARC: Dad?

DAD: Yeah, that’s true. I was a little down after Nixon won, but there was still a war to end, and I was still a card-carrying member of the SDS. I think my disillusionment began with the ’69 convention and the split with The Weathermen, but I couldn’t believe that anyone would take them seriously. I mean, The Red Guard in the U. S. A? I still believed we could change the system, so I didn’t really get it until McGovern got creamed.

ARC: That’s one long period of denial. The evidence shows that your generation was one of the most ineffective in history; you guys really were “King Midas in Reverse.” Everything you touched produced the opposite of your intentions. Look at the timeline. 1964: LBJ, running on a clearly socialist platform, wins with 61% of the vote. 1966: only 42% of Americans supported the death penalty. 1967: enter the hippies with The Summer of Love and an anti-war movement that was starting to gain traction. 1968: All three of the presidential candidates supported the war. In the general election, the right-wing candidates collected 57% of the vote.

DAD: Don’t remind me. I remember waking up one morning and one of the polls—Harris or Gallup—showed Humphrey running behind Wallace. I couldn’t fucking believe it. I thought the world had gone insane.

ARC: The war didn’t end for years, Americans soon began supporting the death penalty in massive numbers and The War on Poverty was transformed into whites being victimized by welfare queens. And the crime rate went through the roof. Great job, guys!

DAD: Hey, we ended the draft!

ARC: No, you didn’t. Richard Nixon ended the draft to neutralize his political opponents. Look it up!

DAD: Well, I still think we made a difference.

MAMAN: Yes, I do, too, but you have to admit we had no understanding of politics. Where we had our greatest impact was in the environmental movement.

ARC: Certainly in First World countries, yes. I also give you credit for organic food. And free love—though The Pill had a lot to do with that. But the long-term view shows that the movement was a pimple on the ass of history. You wanted to transform America into a haven of peace and today it is a paranoid country where the military are worshipped and where gun ownership rates are skyrocketing. You wanted an America of equal opportunity, and today America has a dwindling middle class and income disparity that ranks with pre-revolution France—and most of the rich are the once anti-capitalist members of the Baby Boomer generation. As for love, well, people seem to fuck a lot, so I guess that’s something.

MAMAN: You grew up in a very cynical time, so you take a very cynical view. Our generation had one thing that your generation cannot understand: we had hope.

ARC: What do you mean we don’t understand hope? Clinton and Obama sold us on hope.

MAMAN: Yes, but we had real hope, not just a campaign slogan.

ARC: And all of your heroes wound up dead.

MAMAN: And your generation has no heroes except for a few successful capitalists. You don’t have an appreciation for real hope: the belief that things can better. It is the thing that makes human progress possible. I was very sad about the assassinations, and not just because we lost two leaders who had a vision of what we could become. I was sad because I felt hopeless for a time. Hope is very important to the health of the human soul.

ARC: I don’t disagree with that, but you have to combine hope with common sense. What was the point of alienating an entire generation—your parents? Instead of trying to build bridges to the war generation, you dismissed them as hopeless. You made enemies when you would have been better off making friends.

MAMAN (sighs): Yes, yes, yes, I agree that we lacked good strategy and tactics. But at least we were trying: your generation has done nothing.

ARC: I’ll give you that one. But I do think my generation has more common sense. We know that this system is never going to produce a society of love, peace and happiness. It would take a disaster of worldwide proportions to achieve that: the whole thing would have to go up in flames. Or the aliens would have to drop in for a visit. I’m not going to spend my life waiting for Armageddon or ET to show up. I’ll work with the cards I’ve been dealt, make the best of it and let history take care of itself. Call us “the patient generation.”

DAD: You’re probably right. I think the only thing you can do now is live life honestly and try not to hurt people. The only thing we can control is ourselves, and maybe someday enough people will get it and realize that we all have to live on the same planet.

ARC: Spoken like a true child of The Sixties. “Maybe someday” should have been the 60’s tagline. Let’s talk about the music. “Spotty” is a good adjective.

DAD: There  were some misses, yeah, but I think it was a lot better than you portrayed in your posts.

ARC: That’s only because I’d already done Sgt. Pepper, Magical Mystery Tour, Odessey and Oracle, Surrealistic Pillow and Hendrix’ first. When you add those into the mix, I think I was pretty balanced. There wasn’t much I could have done with the crap that was left. I loved the spirit of experimentation, but you have to admit that too often it was like a dysfunctional science club: experimenting for the hell of it. I was very impressed with Piper at the Gates of Dawn and S. F. Sorrow.

MAMAN: I thought you were very fair. You didn’t even touch some of the worst of that era, like Iron Butterfly and Vanilla Fudge.

DAD: Hey, they weren’t that bad!

MAMAN: You are not qualified to respond. You like everything.

DAD: Maybe it’s because I’m more open-minded than some people.

MAMAN AND ARC: Bullshit!

ARC: One more thing—did you guys ever think of going to Woodstock?

DAD: Hell, no! Travel cross-country so I could see bands I’ve already seen and would see again at The Fillmore, The Avalon and Winterland? I don’t even think I realized it was going on until that weekend.

MAMAN: If it had happened in 1967, I probably would have gone. I was up for anything then.

DAD: That’s true. Hey, that thing about your headbands made me remember the time when we were at that cabin on the Russian River and you stripped right down to—

MAMAN: Assez! This is going public! Show the proper decorum!

ARC: (Laughs.) It’s good to know that being a temp-hippie didn’t contaminate into your French soul. Thanks, old-timers!

DAD: Peace (Flashes the sign.)

Lovin’ Spoonful – The Lovin’ Spoonful’s Greatest Hits – Classic Music Review

Greatest+Hits+the+lovin+spoonful_greatest+hi

A generally pleasant way to pass an afternoon as long as you’re not horny. Click to buy.

One feature of the American Counterattack against The British Invasion that strikes me as curious is that it was absolutely sexless.

Curious because the capitalist part of the American psyche had mastered the lesson that sex sells long before the Invasion. The Americans had deep experience in the mass production of sex symbols, largely through the star generation machine called Hollywood. Rock ‘n’ roll never would have taken off as furiously as it did had Elvis never shaken his hips or if Little Richard had never screamed or Chuck Berry had never mastered the art of the double entendre. The opposing strain of the American consciousness—Puritanism—is never far from the surface, and it seemed to emerge after well-publicized scandals involving Chuck Berry and Jerry Lee Lewis and their teenage amours. Little Richard became a preacher, Elvis went into the Army and the teen idols who followed them were generally devoid of blatant manifestations of impure thoughts. The music of Frankie Avalon, Bobby Rydell, Dion and Fabian was pretty tame stuff in comparison, and when it came to open displays of virility, well, let’s just say that you would never confuse Roy Orbison with Clark Gable or the unshirted version of Burt Lancaster in From Here to Eternity.

The Puritan strain continued to dominate the marketing of 60’s American bands, even after the Invasion and the concurrent advent of long-haired men should have told the Americans that sex was back in vogue. The music moguls took the one guy with serious sex appeal—Mark Lindsay—and dressed him up in a ridiculous Revolutionary War get-up. Does any woman ever stare at a dollar bill and fantasize about sex with George Washington? The three-cornered hat is the ultimate mood-killer, even worse than Bobby Rydell’s hairstyle.

This meant that the Americans faced the more virile British with one penis tied behind their backs (a trick requiring some impressive acrobatic moves). Not until Jim Morrison came along would Americans produce someone who could rival Mick Jagger. The British had not only had bad-boy sexy, but all varieties of sexy. The Zombies were avant-garde-sexy, Them were wild-sexy, The Yardbirds dark-sexy, The Kinks sneery-sexy. Except for the one-or-two hit garage bands like The Leaves, 13th Floor Elevator and The Seeds, mid-60’s American rock bands were generally mellow and laid-back, at least in terms of public persona and music, and the band that best exemplifies this latent strain of American Puritanism is The Lovin’ Spoonful.

Their music is often referred to as “feel-good” music, a fair characterization. Despite folk roots, they never got their feet wet in the sub-genre of protest song. The Lovin’ Spoonful played in a wide variety of styles, a capability clearly demonstrated on their best album, Hums of the Lovin’ Spoonful, where you can hear country, rock, pop, rockabilly, jazz and even a touch of Engelbert Humperdinck. There was never any controversy about whether or not they played their own instruments, and they proved to be capable, if unremarkable, musicians. The Lovin’ Spoonful produced hit after hit, all easily accessible songs that you could sing along with after a few spins. Although you would never use the word “exciting” to describe them, they were very successful, joining Gary Lewis and the Playboys as the only artists in the 1960’s to place their first seven singles in the Billboard top 10.

And like Gary Lewis and the Playboys, completely sexless. Oh, the girls of the time screamed at their shows, but by then the girls were programmed to scream at the appearance of any long-haired male with a guitar. The Spoonful were nice guys, and maybe Zal Yanovsky qualified under the Ringo category of “he’s so ugly, he’s cute.” But mojo? Nada. Rien! Nichts!

Still, they made some pretty good music. This is a very strong collection, generally organized in chronological order, featuring seven songs from Hums and all of their hits (as well as a few misses). It’s easy to identify the exact beginning of their decline, which coincided with two roughly simultaneous developments: Sebastian started writing for the movies and Canadian Zal Yanovsky departed due to a drug bust complicated by his Canadian citizenship and his choice to rat out his supplier. The act of snitching destroyed The Lovin’ Spoonful’s reputation with the anti-establishment cognoscenti, because that was seriously uncool, ya dig? Anyway, after Hums it was pretty clear that John Sebastian had ambitions beyond The Spoonful, culminating years later in the thoroughly inoffensive and completely uninteresting theme song for the horrid little sitcom Welcome Back Kotter.

Lucky for us, the collection ends long before “Welcome Back,” and begins appropriately with . .

“Do You Believe in Magic?”: I was delighted to learn that Sebastian admitted he lifted the first three chords from Martha and The Vandellas’ “Heat Wave,” and sped them up to create the lead-in to this song. I knew I’d heard that sequence somewhere! The song is terribly infectious, with a nice flowing melody and well-placed touches of harmony, background vocal and simple but effective guitar vamps. Joe Butler’s drumming is strong and steady throughout and Sebastian’s vocal has that “oh, wow” sense of excitement about the magic of the music. I love the agnosticism of the song (“If you believe in magic, don’t bother to choose/If it’s jug band music or rhythm and blues”), underscoring the free and open musical environment of the period. The song also marks the first appearance of one of Sebastian’s recurring symbols: young chicks. For John Sebastian, the young girl was the symbol of innocence and release, the purest expression of beauty and joy. It’s not how I remember my teenage friends, who were generally a bunch of gloomy, self-centered bitches, but I grew up in the 90’s, when suicide was considered cool. Is that fucking dumb or what?

“You Didn’t Have to Be So Nice”: A perfectly lovely pop number with a bit of a kick, the highlight for me here is the lovely counterpoint vocal mix, particularly when they shift to lyrical fragments that reinforce without direct repetition. Zal’s guitar work isn’t Joe Satriani, but it’s perfectly complementary to the overall mood. I like this one better than “Do You Believe in Magic,” and apparently so did Brian Wilson, who said the song influenced his creation of “God Only Knows.” I’ll take “You Didn’t Have to Be So Nice” over “God Only Knows” any day, a position understood to be a minority viewpoint.

Here’s Peter Noone introducing The Spoonful on Hullabaloo. What a hoot!

“Daydream”: One line in this song harkens me back to reminders of a pleasure I was largely denied in my youth: “I’m blowing the day to take a walk in the sun/And fall on my face on somebody’s new-mowed lawn.” Good luck finding a house with a lawn east of Twin Peaks in the San Francisco core! Dolores Park had lots of grass, but only rarely did the grass mingle with warm sun, and I tended to avoid the place because it was a big hangout for drug dealers. I don’t remember smelling warm, fresh-cut grass until I went to college in L. A., where I was held spellbound by another phenomenon that was relatively rare in San Francisco: automatic lawn sprinklers. I used to sit outside the dorm in the perpetually sunny weather, timing my study to coincide with the sprinklers coming on, so I could watch them chug along and see the rainbows in the sprinkler stream. And when I heard the riding mowers kick into gear, I’d run outside and fill myself with snootfuls of that sweet, sweet smell of fresh-cut grass. Isn’t that weird?

“Daydream” is one of the classic lazy day songs, one that McCartney said inspired his own “Good Day Sunshine.” What I like here is the precision and simplicity of the build, which never gets too busy or distracting.

“You Baby”: Let’s be clear: this is not one of the seven singles to make it to the top ten. It’s a dreadful throwback to the days of Frankie Avalon, a song penned by Mann, Weill and (gag!) Phil Spector. Joe Butler seemed to have a fondness for crooning cheesy lounge music, and this penchant would produce only one decent song in the catalog. It’s not this one.

“Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind?”: A fun song to sing with others in a fuck-around session when everyone’s getting drunk and silly—as long as you ignore the underlying belief that a woman would actually stand around waiting for a guy to choose her, like the last one picked for the softball team. Ha! I had a rule when I was dating: if the guy was more than ten minutes late, he could go fuck himself, literally and figuratively, because this little chickie had better things to do! It became harder to take this song seriously when it was featured in a commercial for Denny’s restaurants, but it could have been worse: it could have been a commercial for Waffle House.

“Wild About My Lovin'”: A “traditional” song adapted for their first album, I simply have a hard time believing John Sebastian when he sings “I’m wild about my lovin’.” No, you’re not! Not when you’re singing in a voice so laid-back it sounds like you’re going to fall asleep on the porch! What the fuck kind of lovin’ is that?

“Younger Girl”: This is an interesting piece for two reasons: one, the melody and chord structure were borrowed from an old blues number called “Prison Wall Blues”; and two, the reappearance of the young girl theme. This song puzzled me because it expressed cultural norms that seemed alien to me, so I called up my dad to get the scoop. Apparently it was somewhat rare in the 60’s for boys and girls to date outside of their age group until later in high school. My dad explained that seniors could go out with juniors and maybe stretch that into a sophomore, but going out with a freshman would be too weird. I was relieved to hear that because Sebastian never identifies the specific ages of pursuer and pursued, so I thought he might be expressing latent pedophilia. Whew! After all that hoo-hah, my conclusion is that it’s an okay song but not as strong as “You Didn’t Have to Be So Nice.”

“On the Road Again”: This attempt at a rocking blues number leaves me cold. Yanovsky didn’t have the chops and Sebastian didn’t have the voice to pull of a number like this. Aerosmith did an outtake cover that was somewhat promising, but a song that expresses the expectation that the little woman should have dinner ready for her man when he stumbles home from his wanderings is never going to catch my fancy unless Muddy Waters is singing it.

“Didn’t Want to Have to Do It”: The muffled recording doesn’t help much, and I have an aversion to songs dominated by mushy major seventh chords. The call-and-response form is misused here, resulting in a very cluttered song that sounds like it was recorded in a Greenwich Village closet after they finished off a lid.

“Jug Band Music”: While the song has a good groove and well-told vignettes, I’ve always wondered why they didn’t use jug band instruments in the recording process if they wanted to advertise its magical properties to the listening audience. You can hear electrified imitations of a washtub bass and faint hints of washboard, but why not go whole hog? I find this kind of thing frustrating when Yankee musicians head south and fail to pay due attention to the character of the music in the region they’re allegedly trying to bring to life. The worst offender—and the main reason I think he’s a phony—was John Fogerty, who wrote Bayou/Delta songs completely free of Cajun or Zydeco influence, sanitizing and idealizing the region’s music for the average consumer. And the critics gave him credit for being a roots musician? Ha! Sebastian would sometimes rub up against that line, but only occasionally crossed it (as he does here).

“Summer in the City”: One of four singles from the Hums album to make the charts, this single and that album represent The Lovin’ Spoonful at their peak. A musique verité piece that captures the dreadful experience of East Coast city summers, you can listen to the song and smell the humid air, the mold, the subway brakes and the carbon monoxide of a hot July day in New York, where everyone on the streets seems more pissed off than usual and perspiration stains bloom in bulk. The nights are still a sweaty mess, but you feel so much better without that sun broiling you into a mushy hamburger . . . and if you’re going to have sex in the East Coast summer and your air conditioner is on the fritz, the nighttime is not only the right time, it’s the only time.

Ah, but this is The Lovin’ Spoonful, so the guy doesn’t have sex with the girl, but just dances all night. What’s the male equivalent of being a dick-tease, anyway?

The Lovin’ Spoonful rarely played at this level of intensity, preferring the more laid-back arrangements of feel-good music. That’s too bad, because they obviously had some room to go darker and heavier (and sexier!), as the bite of the vocal and the guitar in this song clearly demonstrate.

“Rain on the Roof”: The artistic goal that drove Hums of the Lovin’ Spoonful was to play in a multitude of styles, and this pleasant, dreamy ditty provides good contrast to “Summer in the City.” Harp and French Horn help reinforce the romanticized imagery of a showery summer day in the country, visuals that remind one of a Claritin commercial. Ignoring the possibility of hay fever is one thing (and I thank John Sebastian for not going there), but the puritanism of The Lovin’ Spoonful borders on the absurd in this piece:

You and me, we’re gathered away
Dreamy conversation, sitting in the hay
Honey, how long was I laughing in the rain with you?
‘Cause I didn’t feel a drop
‘Til the thunder brought us to

Johnny boy! Girl! Hay! Come on, boy, you can do it . . . starts with an “r” . . . no, not “relax” . . . Roll, John, Roll! Roll in the hay! Ever heard of that? No, I didn’t think so.

“Pow”: Our mini-tour through Hums is interrupted with this insert from the soundtrack for Woody Allen’s What’s Up, Tiger Lily? a movie that still puts me in stitches. The Spoonful made a cameo appearance and provided the music. “Pow” tells the story of a hopeless bad-luck loser and has only a very loose connection to the film (to reinforce Woody Allen’s comedic persona or the bumblings of lead character Phil Moskowitz). The best thing about the song is that it provides the background to China Lee’s striptease, about as close to racy as The Spoonful would ever get.

“Nashville Cats”: Returning to Hums, this little tune about John Sebastian’s love for “yellow Sun records from Nashville” has earned criticism from people who don’t do their research! Yes, the Sun of Elvis, Johnny Cash, Carl Perkins and Jerry Lee Lewis was located in Memphis (now a National Historical Landmark). Wikipedia, among others, accuse Sebastian of making a terrible mistake, but they’re the ones that need to get their facts straight. Sam Phillips, after launching the careers of several stars in both the rock and country fields, did what any business person with a brain would do when he’s got a good thing going: he expanded his operation, opening a branch in Nashville in February 1961. Harrumph! Tip: While Wikipedia has some good source material in a wide variety of topics, the quality of their articles is wildly inconsistent, so always remember to find two or three other sources to confirm their assertions.

Wow! I just did my first Public Service Announcement! Maybe I’ll tweet it! My first Public Service Tweet!

Back to the song . . . even if Sebastian had called it “Memphis Cats,” I still wouldn’t like this song. Country and cute doesn’t sit too well with my delicate constitution.

“Lovin’ You”: The opening song to Hums demonstrates John Sebastian’s integration of roots music influences at its best. The split-channel guitar work gives you that pickin’ on the porch feel, the harmonies are closer to doo-wop than country and the bridge has a sassy, uptown strut feel reminiscent of the more rhythmic Mills Brothers’ numbers. “Lovin’ You” is one of their best pure feel-good numbers and a fabulous sample of their musicianship.

“Darlin’ Companion”: A more countrified feel-good number, for some reason the feel-good overcomes the country and makes this one of my favorite Spoonful numbers. The performance is crisp, tight, and moves along nicely thanks to Joe Butler’s steady skip-beat. The Spoonful sound like they’re having a good time, and the feeling is infectious.

“Coconut Grove”: This minor blues piece from Hums is a Sebastian-Yanovsky composition that helps define Hums as a brilliant collection of mood pieces: songs that capture the feeling and sensual experience of place. The place here is coastal Florida, and the languorous feel of the place is perfectly expressed in the languorous arrangement: soft guitar, quiet vocal, blue note overtones, no drums, nothing too busy or distracting. The electric guitar is used for fills and an occasional off-chord that gently expands the soundscape without ruining the feel. This is the perfect song for a lazy summer afternoon when the only effort you want to expend is the energy it takes to grab another beer or a cool glass of white wine.

“Full Measure”: Joe Butler’s urge to become a lounge singer finds its best expression in the last song on this collection from Hums. Unlike the amateurish “You Baby,” this song features a clean arrangement, carefully attenuated background vocals and more complete integration of harmonies. The organ and piano parts add color and urgency to the vocal builds in the bridge, a marvelous passage that ends in very satisfying crescendo. Joe’s vocal is smooth without crossing the line into smarmy, and his drum punctuations provide energy boosts in all the right places.

“Darling Be Home Soon”: Oh, this is nice. Acoustic guitar and a little tambourine backing Sebastian’s vocal. Hmm. I don’t think we needed the bass on that first chorus, but okay, well, nothing’s perfect. Uh oh. Rhythm guitar and drums? We’re losing the acoustic guitar—damn! What? Strings? Oh, shit, they’re turning this into Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme! I can hardly hear Sebastian now. WHOA! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? OH MY GOD, IT’S THE ENTIRE FUCKING WOODROW WILSON HIGH SCHOOL ORCHESTRA AND MARCHING BAND! WHERE’S SEBASTIAN? JOHN, JOHN, CAN YOU HEAR ME? Oh, there you are. Gee, you sound exhausted. 

“Lonely (Amy’s Theme)”: What the fuck is this? From the soundtrack to what movie? Oh, that film Coppola did—the one that was a ripoff of The Graduate? Ah, that’s why “Darling Be Home Soon” got so fucked up: cinematic overkill. Well, let’s listen to the theme song anyway.

“You’re a Big Boy Now”: Uh, oh . . . I hear the seeds of “Welcome Back” here. Hollywood sure does strange things to people. Yanovsky was still there when they recorded this turkey, so maybe his departure wasn’t as dramatic an event as I thought. This is obviously a band on a downhill slope.

“Six O’Clock”: What a thoroughly irritating opening! Why would anyone want to emulate the sound of an electric alarm clock to open a song? Isn’t that the universal symbol of irritation for every human being in a First World country? After that “wake-up call,” all that’s left is a rather awkward melody and the overblown arrangement style The Spoonful adopted in their fading years to hide the growing cracks in the façade. This was the first single after Zal’s departure and the film gigs, and more evidence that the end is near.

“She Is Still a Mystery”: Once again the band is buried in an arrangement that is seriously overdone, for the song itself is similar in theme and feel to “Younger Girl” and demanded a quieter, more wistful approach. Either Sebastian was still fascinated with young chicks (“little girls,” he calls them paternalistically) or he was out of gas as a songwriter. I tend to think both were true.

“Money”: Still trying to find his groove, Sebastian gives us an economic lesson in a cute, banjo-driven (argggh!) little number that is a mere shadow of his earlier roots music. The irritating sound of an adding machine or a typewriter or whatever the fuck people used before software provides an additional kiss of death for this stinker.

“Younger Generation”: This was actually The Spoonful’s last single, a song that makes you very happy that this was actually The Spoonful’s last single. The subject is the prospect of parenting as seen through the eyes of an idiot who knows nothing about cultural history and dreams paranoid dreams about a future where three-year olds take LSD. This song was dated before the record left the presses.

“Never Going Back”: An earlier single that deserved to die the horrible death that awaited it. Shooting all the way up to #73 (and how it got that far is still a mystery to me), “Never Going Back” features Joe Butler, cheesy lounge singer transformed into Joe Butler, cheesy honky-tonk singer. The phrasing is so awful it defies gravity, common sense and anything else you’ve got. Dig the first line: “Every time I see that Greyhound . . . . . BUS rolling down the line.” The long pause after Greyhound isn’t long enough for the listener to come up with another word that could possibly fit other than BUS, so when Joe sings BUS with such force, the experience is Pythonesque, to say the least. Did the Greyhound Bus Company ever do trains, trucks, ships, airplanes, wheelbarrows, canoes, kayaks, bicycles, tricycles, scooters or dirigibles? No! So why all the suspense about a fucking bus?

I think The Spoonful should have quit while they were ahead and departed after Hums. That album was definitely their creative and commercial peak and would have been the perfect way to exit the scene. In the end, they left a pretty impressive catalog of songs that have become oldies radio standards, and though I know very few people in my generation who listen to their music, I’m sure they’ll be rediscovered by someone in the future when tastes shift back to roots music. As a response to The British Invasion, I’d say The Spoonful had better songs than The Byrds, better musicians than most of the bands of the day . . . and zero sex appeal. There was no way they were ever going to generate the level of excitement triggered by almost any Englishman who set foot on American shores during that period.

Things could have gone very different for The Lovin’ Spoonful, though. Did you know they were in negotiations to star in their very own TV show? And that it might very well have happened if John Sebastian hadn’t secured all the rights to his music beforehand? The power of television might have transformed our perceptions of The Spoonful. Shit, if TV can make losers like Britney Spears seem sexy, those magicians can turn anyone into a hot piece of ass!

Alas, it was not to be.

Alas, my next review will be about the guys who did get that deal.

Hey, hey.

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